Advice
by UnknownWarner
Summary: After failing to successfully seduce Gamora, Peter decides to ask for romantic advice from his fellow Guardians. ONE-SHOT


**It's been quite some time since I've written anything. This oneshot came into my mind one night along with many other ideas, but I actually managed to write this one down. I'm new to the GOTG fandom, so I hope the characters are at least somewhat in character. It's also been I think 2 years since I've last written anything, so I'm a bit rusty. Please review! Would love to write more GOTG fic in the future, but I think I definitely need some constructive criticism. Enjoy!**

 **Also, this fic is rated T for mild language and sexual humor, but it's nothing worse than the movies ;).**

* * *

The lights grew dim on the Milano as Peter stood behind a small workbench, eyeing Gamora from a distance. Everything was perfect; she was alone, seemingly in a happy mood, and had just finished her nightly training.

Tonight was going to be the night in which the great Star-Lord finally woo's his damsel. She had proven difficult in the past, and being a highly trained assassin that could kill him in seconds put a slight damper on his confidence, but he decided that he'd finally had enough. He needed her, and nothing was gonna stand in his way...

Except maybe her sword.

Peter sighed and took a sip from the bottle he was grasping. The cool liquid was soothing but bitter to the taste. He dropped the bottle and started to slowly but naturally walk to the chair next to Gamora. He sat confidently and turned on his usual Star-Lord charm.

"Ya know, it's awfully lonely out here..." Peter smirked seductively.

"Yeah, and now you're here, so it just got annoying." Gamora grinned and looked Peter in the eyes almost romantically... but not quite.

Peter sighed. "Eventually you're going to have to accept the fact that you're in love with me. It's not a matter of if, but a matter of when."

Gamora couldn't help but chuckle. "And you're eventually gonna have to accept the fact that not every girl who glances at you wants to make love."

Peter rolled his eyes. He had always been a sleazebag in the past, but things were different with Gamora. The ache in his loins was replaced with an ache in his heart, and it's the first time that's ever happened with a girl.

He sighed. Why did it have to be a badass assassin killing machine that took his heart? Why couldn't he fall for a prostitute?

"I never said anything about making love..." Peter tried his best to sound cool and collected, but his chance to express his feeling had failed, and he knew it.

Peter had never been good at expressing real emotions. In fact, he never really had any romantic feelings before. He knew how to seduce women and to get them in bed with him, but he never knew how to tell a woman that he loved them, or how to accept love from anyone else. Only one person on the Milano had been in a true romantic relationship, and that's Drax.

"Enough Peter. I'm your friend, not your lover." Gamora said calmly.

"Okay, I get it. You're too busy saving the galaxy and being badass to be with old Peter Quill." Peter said sarcastically in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"Thank you."

Petter nodded and stood up. "I have some things I need to discuss with Drax."

"Oh God, you're not gonna try to seduce him are you?!"

"What? Eww, of course not!"

Peter made exaggerated vomiting sounds as he hastily walked away from the awkwardness of his conversation with Gamora.

His intention with Drax was to hopefully be educated on how to successfully begin a romantic relationship with Gamora. He knew Gamora was a more serious woman who lacked the social understandings of most Tarran women, and he hoped Drax could give him some insight on the "less pathetic" personality of Gamora.

He walked in on Drax cleaning his blade for what seemed like the hundredth time that day.

"Peter, my friend, what is it I can do for you?" Drax said with his usual no-nonsense tone.

"Well, uhh, it's kind of strange bu-"

"No topic is strange to me."

"Well, that's good, because I was-"

"If I think something is strange, I grab it, and I remove its spine."

Peter cringed. This was already not working out.

"Uh huh, well I don't think that will be necessary. I just need some advice on... uh, 'romance'." Peter sighed as Drax put the blade down next to him.

"Romance? And what unlucky wench do you wish to have the romance with?"

"That's not important, but I just need to know... how do you get a girl to fall for you?"

Drax sighed. "There are three steps to getting the perfect mate."

Oh boy, here we go...

"Step one: you must select the woman you wish to pursue. You are a small, pathetic and weak man, so I would suggest searching the back alley's of Knowhere, or perhaps you could order a woman who has been cybernetically programmed to be attracted to you."

Peter rolled his eyes. "Wow, thanks. I'll be making a mental note of this."

Drax ignored him. "Step two: Once you have found your broad, you must demand that she become your romantic partner. If she declines, then you simply repeat step one."

"Oh, okay, so I just need to DEMAND that bitch to love me." Peters sarcasm flew right over Drax's head.

"Exactly."

Peter rolled his eyes again.

"Step three: you must begin ravenously copulating for the sole purpose of reproduction, for that is the only use of romance."

"Wow Drax, thanks. Ya know, I think I'm truly a changed man. They call you 'The Destroyer', but I think they should call you 'The Philosopher'".

"You're welcome, Peter. If you keep taking my advice, then soon you won't be as pathetic as you are now." Drax smiled politely as Peter scoffed and stood up.

"I can't wait." Peter closed the door faster than he was meaning to, but he was just glad to finally be out of that awkward situation. He sighed and thought 'what if he's right? What if Gamora wants me to be more dominant?' The thought was quickly removed as fear of castration came in.

Annoyed, he took another sip from the bottle that he had left at his workstation. Gamora was in sight, messing around with a piece of weaponry and seemingly tinkering with one of her cybernetic implants. Peter so badly wanted to talk to her again, but he knew he wasn't ready.

He glanced over to the door across from the workstation. The door that held his best friend, but also his worst enemy...

Rocket.

Peter glared. Was he really about to go and ask a cybernetically enhanced raccoon about romance?

Yes. Yes he was.

The door creaked open as Peter nonchalantly crept into the room of the one and only Rocket Raccoon.

Upon a small bunk was Rocket who was currently disassembling a toaster and placing the pieces on a bench in front of him. His ears perked as he saw Peter enter.

"Whaddaya want." He said, uninterested.

"Oh, hey man. Whatcha Workin' on?"

"A bomb. Now, what do you want?"

Peter crossed his arms. "Alright, fine. What do you know about romance?"

"You mean the thing that people do to reproduce?"

"Uhh, kind of... but, I mean, more of the 'emotional' kind."

Peter sat down on a small chair in the corner of the room, next to the table in which a sleeping Groot was nested in a large pot.

"Well, I know that you think Gamora thinks romantically of you." Rocket smirked sarcastically.

"Man..." Peter tried to think of a comeback, but he fell flat. "I thought she did."

"You see Pete, you're doing it all wrong. Lucky for you, I am an expert on the subject of women!" Rocket stood up from his bunk and let the toaster crumble to the ground in a heap of destroyed parts. "I need to examine how you talk to women. Pretend I'm the girl of your dreams and ask me out."

Peters facial expression resembled that of a child who just bit a lemon. "Umm, gross!"

"Do you want to learn or not?!" Rocket exclaimed.

"Shit, okay fine." Peter took a deep breath and tried to get into character. "Wow, you look beautiful today..." Peter tried to say as realistically as he could.

"Oh, thanks, dearie! Teehee!" Rocket responded in a mock female falsetto voice.

"Are you my girlfriend or my grandma?!" Peter asked, breaking character.

"Wow, okay, so the first thing I notice is a huge lack of patience and an anger management problem." Rocket responded bitterly. "Keep going, your lesson isn't finished yet."

Peter groaned and tried to get back into character. "So... I was wondering, do you think you'd want to get something to drink with me?"

"Oh my, that sounds just wonderful!" Rocket squealed mockingly. "But, I'm sorry, but I don't think I can..."

"What?! Why not?" Peter exclaimed, almost breaking character.

"Because..." Rocket stifled a laugh. "because I'm..." Rocket but his hand over his mouth as he almost broke into laughter. "BECAUSE I'M ALREADY DATING TASERFACE!"

With that, Rocket broke into a roaring laughter along with Groot who had apparently woken up and was eves-dropping.

Peter rolled his eyes and stood up, ignoring the laughing idiots behind him as he exited the door. Things with Gamora would have to wait, especially if these losers were his wingmen.


End file.
